Wednesday, December 24, 2008

HOLLY



For several years on the 26th of December I have uttered the words, "Oh yeah, it's Holly's Birthday" Admit it, we all have. Don't worry Holly, even though nobody remembers your birthday (and you were a mistake) you are mom and dad's favorite child (after Ally) Happy Birthday!

Monday, December 22, 2008

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

YOUR OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW THE TRUTH


HAPPY
B-DAY
ALLY
AND
KANOO

Monday, December 15, 2008

QUICK!
Someone come up with another topic of discussion before Kanooer feels the need to diss me again. And let's try only saying nice things to each other, ( puppies and rainbows.) And yes mama your are a good mama because the majority of us did turn out o.k. Maybe we could start things off with Ally telling us all the joke she shared with me and Kanooer last night. It would surely get a great response. Or, we could maybe contine the in depth conversation on wax paper.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

THANKS TO YOU, KANOO

ONCE AGAIN KANOOER HAS TAKEN THE TIME TO POINT OUT HOW BORING MY BLOG IS. AND SINCE THIS IS THE ONLY THING I CAN THINK OF TO WRITE ABOUT, I GUESS HE'S RIGHT. IT DIDN'T GET NAMED THE MOST DISAPPOINTING BLOG FOR NUTHIN. AND I'M NOT YELLING IN ALL CAPS, I JUST DON'T FEEL LIKE PUSHING THE CAPS LOCK BUTTON AGAIN. IF ANYONE WOULD LIKE TO SUGGEST A TOPIC FOR DISCUSSION, FEEL FREE. ANYONE? ANYONE?

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

P.U.

WARNING-DO NOT READ THIS (ESPECIALLY THE ONE ON KARL MARX) RIGHT BEFORE EATING, OR RIGHT AFTER EATING.....I knew you would especially enjoy this one Allison! Also, look for the very quick mention of Mormons, quite amusing.

Strange Smell! Top 10 Stinky People From the Pages of History


Even though the rules of hygiene were extremely relaxed during some periods of history, the following 10 people - royalty, actresses, philosophers, and more - became known not only for their accomplishments but also their disastrous hygiene.

1. Benedict of Aniane

Saint Joseph once preached, “He who has bathed in Christ has no need for a second bath.” Early Christians took this literally and never bathed. Benedict was an odd monk that spent most of his life in rags, rarely eating, and speaking only in awkward outcries. He was canonized for saving monasticism in the 8th century, through which he spread the idea that bathing was a vanity that facilitated sins of the flesh. This meme stuck with Christians until the 18th century.

2. Henry IV of France

One of the most popular French kings, Henry tried to provide his citizens with a “chicken in the pot every Sunday.” Even though he believed in changing his shirt every morning, a rarity in 16th century France, he also loved hunting and refused to bathe or mask his odor with cologne afterwards. His mistress often told him he smelled like carrion. His second wife fainted from his stench the first time she met him and doused herself with perfume just to have relations with him on their wedding night.

3. Howard Hughes

Hughes transformed from a polished, handsome aviator and movie producer to a 90 pound skeleton that only trusted Mormons. It started in 1957, when he locked himself in a studio with milk, chocolate, and Kleenex to watch movies completely naked. Upon emerging, he refused to bathe and trimmed his hair and nails only once a year. He became a recluse, living in Las Vegas and the Bahamas, and was so unidentifiable when he died that police had to use his fingerprints to make sure it was actually Hughes.

4. Louis XIV of France

During the 72 year reign of Louis, France established an absolute monarchy, Versailles was built, and The Sun King waged war with everyone. Possibly hydrophobic, he refused to bathe unless his doctors forced him to and took two, possibly three, baths his entire life. He preferred to be dusted with scented powder and washed his face with a rag soaked in alcohol. Louis refused surgery on a gangrenous foot, leading to his death, and would lose chunks of it around Versailles.

5. Frederick II of Prussia

Frederick transformed Prussia from a European backwater to a world powerhouse, and then spent the rest of his life shuffling around Sanssouci with a pack of Italian greyhounds, berating anyone that cleaned up the ankle-deep dog pooh. Possibly insane, he started refusing to bathe and stopped changing his clothes for years. When he died, in 1786, the shirt on his back was so rotten with sweat that his valet used one of his own to bury the king.

6. Marilyn Monroe

Considered an example of the feminine ideal, Monroe went through a long string of lovers that included Joe DiMaggio and John F. Kennedy. But according to a Clark Gable biography, Gable described her as extremely dirty, and not in the sexual sense. According to Gable she suffered from irritable bowel syndrome, rarely bathed, and ate exclusively in bed - shoving what was left under her bed.

7. Ludwig van Beethoven

Influenced by the Enlightenment, a deaf Beethoven pushed Romantic music to the forefront in the 18th century. His refusal to bathe stemmed from the constant pain of lead poisoning. It also made him extremely crabby at concerts, he commonly threw things at people talking during his concerts. A speech impediment made it hard to understand Beethoven and often resulted in violent tirades if he was asked to repeat himself. The few friends he had would sneak away his clothes to wash while he slept.

8. Karl Marx

As the mind behind Communism, Marx wanted the working class to rise up but instead helped totalitarian regimes justify their existence. He suffered from pus leaking carbuncles and boils that were worsened by chain smoking, heavy drinking, and belief that cleanliness was a bourgeoisie excess. Marx took pride in pages of the original manuscript of Das Kapital that were splattered with blood from his lanced boils, claiming that it proved he understood the plight of the proletariat.

9. Henrietta Green

With an estimated net worth of $3.8 billion, Green became one of the richest women in history through her extreme frugality. She avoided surgery on a hernia because it cost $150, ignored her son’s broken leg until it had to be amputated, and tried to swindle a dying aunt out of money. The few times she bathed, she did so without hot water and soap, and she spent her entire life in a series of black dresses that she wore until they wore out. In her later years she became extremely paranoid and died while arguing about skim milk.

10. Chairman Mao Zedong

Mao’s harsh socio-political programs killed millions of his countrymen but helped turn China into a world power. He never brushed his teeth or bathed his entire reign. Instead, concubines were forced to scrub his body with damp towels while be chewed tea leaves to clean his teeth. When offered a toothbrush by one of his physicians, Mao refused on the grounds that tigers didn’t brush their teeth either. You can’t argue with that logic.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

YOU SAY TOMATO I SAY TAHMATO

For Veterans Day on Monday, Cuatro's teacher gave them a paper to fill out that said "DEAR VETERANS, THANK YOU FOR.....and in his very best handwriting, Cuatro finished the sentence. " SAVING MY DOG'S HARLEY, MAX, AND CHOPPER ANYWAY THANK YOU FOR EVRY THING FOR THAT STUFF"
At the very top, also with much care, he drew a lovely picture of him, the "veteran" and his dogs.
So sweet, so sincere, so confused between veterans and veterinarians.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

TOOTH FAIRY PART DEUX

I think I'm raising a Democrat. Why would I think such an awful thing about one of my own little loads? Well, yesterday I found the following letter on the counter penned by Cinco (of course). It was intercepted before making it under the pillow.

"DEAR TOOT FRY" Now I have to pause at this point and say yes, it says "toot fry" and yes, I know there is a really good joke linking "toot fry" with the story of the guy with the potato in his bum, but everything I came up with was way to obvious. So, I'm counting on you, my sibs, to come up with something good. So, back to the letter.

"DEAR TOOT FRY
GIVE ME YOUR MONY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yep, that was it. Short and to the point. And I think very Democrat like in that just because "toot fry" works hard and has lots of "mony" Cinco feels entitled to some of those proceeds without working for it. In this case working for it would be loosing a " toof, Yo!"
Maybe he'll be President someday.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

OUR NEW NATIONAL ANTHEM?



Glenn Beck is Awesome! I'm sure you all recognize the music from Russia's national anthem.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

From poo-tato stories, to deep thoughts. Diversity baby! Actually, I'm just trying to convince myself that our futures are not totally screwed! Sorry Kanooer, no funny today!

This was on Lucianne today.


7. Invictus

OUT of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance 5
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade, 10
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate: 15
I am the captain of my soul.

Monday, November 3, 2008

IS THAT A POTATO IN YOUR BUM, OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME?

THIS STORY IS OFF THE CHANNEL 2 WEB SITE.

Naked chore leads to embarrassing fall

Last Update: 11:20 am

Print Story | Email Story

(Chip Somodevilla, Getty Images/file) A clergyman claims a potato got stuck up his bottom after he fell on the vegetable while hanging curtains in the nude.

He insisted to hospital officials he had not been playing a sex game and that he was hanging curtains in the buff when "he fell backwards on to the kitchen table" where the potato was sitting.

The clergyman had to undergo surgery to get the tater removed.

HOW LONG BEFORE CALIFORNIA WANTS TO LEGALIZE MARRIAGE BETWEEN A MAN AND A TUBER?

Friday, October 31, 2008

"OH NO SHE DIDN'T!!!!"

So, I have been informed by Kanooer, that my blog is no longer funny. To you Kanoo, I say "WHAT EV" doing the W - E finger thing as I say that. Actually, I'm o.k with that, because I know we can't be funny all of the time, just ask Ally or Pam. Just kidding guys, love ya! I may have just lost the only person that reads my blog anymore.
So, what I really need today are some opinions. Now I know that asking most of you for opinions is totally unnecessary, because they will come whether asked for or not, but really, I'm curious as to what you all think about a situation. And with that said, the situation I will now present.
Today, my precious little loads brought home their report cards for the first term. I enjoy getting these little reports. Elementary school report cards are almost always sweet and a source of pride. Happy little notes from the teachers about what a joy your child is, punctuated with a little smiley face, can make a mother's heart swell. To all of you with only young kids, treasure these little reports of success, soak up the gold stars and happy faces, because about Jr. High, it all goes to @#$%!! But I digress. Today I recieved a report with the following information.
SOCIAL STUDIES-E ( an E means Excellent, duh)
ART-E
HISTORY-E
LANGUAGE ARTS-E
MATH-E
SCIENCE-E
TECHNOLOGY-E
PHYSICAL EDUCATION-N, did you see that an N, this doesn't mean NO PROBLEMS or NIFTY, it means NEEDS IMPROVEMENT, and is the lowest grade possible.
My concern wasn't especially with the grade, it's PE, I mean really who gives a crap about PE, it was the note next to the grade.
"Really having problems talking out of turn and bothering others" My first reaction was, I needed to talk to this child and tell him shape up, behave, and quit disrupting class. Then I read the second line. "He's the only one I have not seen progress from last year" Signed. ' I'M ONLY A PE TEACHER, WHAT THE HECK DO I KNOW". ( I used a pseudonym to protect the teachers identity.)
I read the second part of the note and instantly felt that it was unnecessary, and implying something negative. I don't know what was being implied, but I know it was negative. Or was it ? Am I being over sensitive?
His teacher also left a note that read "Really improving overall and showing more respect to me and others. Keep it up!" No smiley face, but she did use an exclamation point, that's almost as good.
My little load will be told to behave in PE, and to listen to his teacher. He has told me before that he doesn't like his PE teacher, and I've always told him it doesn't matter whether or not he likes her, she's in charge, and he has to do what she says. The question isn't whether or not he was misbehaving. I just wanted to know if I'm being an over sensitive boob? Or if I'm not, would it be O.k. to give PE teacher a major mad mom crusty next time I see her?

(just for clarification, and to also justify my position, the nice note was from his all day, every day teacher. Bad, mean, rude, full of implication (I think??)
note was from PE teacher, who he sees once or twice a week for an hour.)

Saturday, October 25, 2008

GOOD VIDEO

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=TG4fe9GlWS8

I usually don't enjoy political discussion, but it is almost election time so watch the video on the above link. And if nothing else gives us confidence in John McCain (besides the fact he's not Obama) he is a patriot and supports our soldiers.

Monday, October 20, 2008

OOPS!

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I left out some of the grandkids in the last post. I didn't know I had a picture of Kate, but found one of her looking oh so cool and another of her at Lagoon with Josh and Tiff. Also, there is now one of Sydney, and how could I forget my own precious Tres. The other pictures of the "two old dudes nobody knows" "mom and the two big cabbage heads" "riley picking goobers" etc. were needed as filler.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

LOTS OF LITTLE LOADS

 
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Today is the first day of fall break. Five days of "mom, I'm bored" "mom he/she is teasing me" "mom, I'm hungry". In other words five days of pure bliss. So before we get too overwhelmed, let's take a look back and remember just how cute they use to be, how cute they still are, and how time goes way too fast. I've got to go now and yell at the kids.

P.S."Word of the day" gadget on the sidebar, so we can all increase our smartitude as we conversate wit our peeps.

Friday, October 10, 2008

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JIM!!!!!!!!



CLICK ON VIEW ALL IMAGES, AND MAKE SURE YOUR SOUND IS ON TO HEAR THE SPECIAL BIRTHDAY DITTY. AND YES, I SPELLED "DISAPPOINT" WRONG ON THE SECOND PICTURE AND "STRADDLER" WRONG ON ANOTHER, BUT YOU ALL KNOW WHAT I MEANT. ENJOY!

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ EVEN THOUGH NO ONE REALLY CARES.

1. SAID BY......TRES, when he was small, I was driving with all the little loads feeling more frustrated than usual. It was unusually quiet in the back seats and I actually had the thought "at least the kids are being good" when out of the back came this little voice...."MA.....I HATE YOU"
He had been scolded for something maybe an hour prior, but was just then getting around to sharing his feelings.

2.SAID BY......DOS if you want to know the story ask Holly, she tells it best, but be warned there is a little swearing involved.

3.SAID BY.....AH, WES
where: Montauk
when: family vacation
how: really good aim
why: little boys, full bladders, empty bottle nuf' said.

4.SAID BY......TRES it sounded like he was saying "coltyn's on the roof" because coltyn was on the roof. So if your ever at our house and your upstairs and there's a fire and your trying to save yourself by getting out the windows and you can't because they are all screwed shut, this is the reason.

5.SAID BY......COLE of course the most positive and sweet thing was said by one of Ally's little angels.

6.SAID BY......CUATRO when he said that I told the other kids ''Don't sit on you Clinger cousins"
ha, ha, just kidding, or am I? Love you Ally!

7.SAID BY....THE AMAZING RILEY AND THE UTERI- if she ever has a band, I think that would be an awesome name (if you don't know why, ask Holly)

8.SAID BY......DOS sometimes you just gotta say what you feel, or in this case scream at the top of your lungs what you feel.

9.SAID BY......TIFF NASH those Nash girls know all about high "end" fashion (pun intended, if you didn't get it, ask Holly)

10.SAID BY.....RYDER hope your feeling better little man,

11.SAID BY......CUATRO I like Allisons answer better though because like I said before, Awesome mental picture.

12.SAID BY......UNO A big Thanksgiving dinner, then sitting on the pot singing a Thanksgiving ditty, does life get any better?

13.SAID BY......DOS after getting after her brothers for saying mean things to each other, she was there to remind me that she doesn't say mean things, only nice things and whats nicer than puppies and rainbows.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

FAMOUS QUOTES

I still have nothing, I've threatened the little loads that if they didn't do something blog worthy soon, I would ground them all, but that didn't work. So since I always take mom's advice I decided to dig up some famous quotes from the past. You should all know these by now. I will give you the quote and see if you can name the kid that said it. I will even throw in some memorable quotes from little loads other than mine sooo..... let's see who can NAME THAT QUOTE!!!!!!

1. " MA.......I HATE YOOOUUU!!!!!"

2." YES MAMA, I LOVE YOU," (hint imagine the smell of a really wet diaper and doughnuts)

3. what were you guys doing? "OH NOTHIN' JUST PEEPIN IN A BOTTLE"

4 ." MOM!!!! COLN ON THE RF" slow down it sounds like your saying Coltyn's on the roof. "
"MAAAAA, COLN ON THE RFFFF!!!!!!

5. "WHEN JESUS COMES, LUCY AND RICKY WILL BE ALIVE AGAIN" said with much happiness and anticipation.

6. "SHUT UP YOU GUYS, YOUR GETTING ON MY NERDS"

7. "I WEAR DIAPERS CAUSE I'M A FRICKIN BABY"

8. " I LOVE NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

9. "OOHHH SHELBY, I LOOOOVE YOUR PANTIES" said very innocently.

10. "HORSE , BALL, HORSE, DOS"

11. sitting in the bathtub pointing to his little nubbins (fyi-nubbins are in the bossom region) "MOM, I KNOW WHAT THESE ARE CALLED.....MY HIPPOS"

12.singing "AND THATS HOW THANKSGIVING WAS BOOOORRRNNNN.....hnnnnmmmnn......YEAH"

13. "I ONLY SAY NICE THINGS LIKE PUPPY AND RAINBOW"


GOOD LUCK.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Give us a reason to get up each day, Please!!!!

I was really on a role. A new post every day for a week, comments galore. And now, I got nothing! No funny stories to share, no amazing thoughts. I feel as if I've let you all down because I know for a fact some of you check here every day, sometimes more than once a day,hoping for something new. Something you can leave a rude comment about, something that will make you laugh, something that makes you wish you were me ( that last one was to make you laugh). But I'se got nuthin. So, if anyone would like to share an amusing anecdote, (Holly you could share your most recent Rylie-roo story) please feel free.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

becuz sum of us r a litle slo

I have added a dictionary to the sidebar. Never again will those of us who are verbally challenged be left out in the cold, only able to look in the window at those of you whooping it up with all your big words and fancy talk. Never again will I have to read a post 3 or 4 or 5 times before I can comprehend the humor that lies within! Never I say! Never!

Friday, September 26, 2008

FATHERLOAD GIVES IN TO THE FUN....

DEAREST FAMILY....... I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT!!!!!!! I MUST CORRECT THE ERRORS OF MY IGNORANT WAYS, AT LEAST WHEN IT COMES TO BLOGGING. SO AMY..... YOU MAY KEEP ANY OF MY PICTURES THAT YOU MAY HAVE OR HAVE NOT ALREADY POSTED. I AM AVAILABLE FOR A PHOTO SESSION AT YOUR CONVENIENCE.....

PLEASE KEEP YOUR REMARKS NICE AND LOVING FOR I AM A VERY SENSITIVE FELLA.....
LOVE YOU ALL......
F.L.Y. (FATHERLOAD YOUNG)

Thursday, September 25, 2008

THIS ONE GOES OUT TO MOAML

Guess who is ranked #2 in my math class right now????? It doesn't really matter because they are still under me! Yes it is pretty much a special ed. math class but me's numbr won, me's numbr won.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Workin' the system

O.k. before I tell you all about Cinco and Tres workin' the system, there are just a few items to be cleared up. There has been a bit of a negative vibe going down. Since we have already cleared the air about the pooh issue (pun intended) I'm hoping that if I change the name of the blog this will calm the bad vibe and put the "fun back in dysfunctional" I will take suggestions for a new name, keep it cleanish. Also I think that we should make it policy not to rip on the kids, I don't care how freakishly pale, hyper, or psycho they are, they shouldn't be picked on. Now the adults, take your best shot Nubs! Now on with the show.......

When I went into Tres's room this morning singing "wake up sunshine it's a brand new day" not really, I was only humming, I noticed a sign lying next to his pillow. Now, I say sign because it was written on a piece of cardboard with a black sharpie, kind of like a homeless guy begging for money would use. Except in this case it was a toothless kid begging for money. And it read "Dear tooth fairy how much is a silver tooth and my brother is wondering do we alwase get mony when we loose our teeth." I didn't quite know what to make of that, but it all made sense when I next went in to wake Cinco. Sticking out from underneath his pillow, were two pieces of paper with the following messages. "Deer tooth fairy. I am 6. I love you and do you love me. Sind Cinco" He didn't really sign it with Cinco, but you get the idea. Next paper said "I lost my tooth at school and i coud not find it." I know you're all going ahhhh, so cute, until I tell you that Cinco didn't lose no stinkin' tooth. They thought they could scam old tooth fairy.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

4+4=POTATO

All of you who know Cinco, know he is a bright, outgoing and adventurous child. But apparently is is also quite the little ladies man. There is a new girl in first grade this year who is quite smitten with Cinco, and he with she. One of the teachers at the school was quite amused as she told me how she had to separate them during a movie because they were holding hands. So when I picked up the kids after school I immediately blurted out " So tell me about your girlfriend" (Don't worry, discretion is my middle name, there were only 5 other kids in the car) With his big toothless grin he replied " She said she loves me" Well, not only is he bright, outgoing and adventurous, but he also knows how to shut me up. So the next day discretion still in tact, when I picked him up after school I asked " Did you sit with new girl today?" Cinco let out a little growl and said "No! she sat by someone else today, and he doesn't even know what 4+4 is!"
Which brings to mind those immortal words "Love stinks yeah yeah, love stinks"

Monday, September 22, 2008

HERE WE GO!

After much thought and careful planning, about an hour total, I have decided to try this blogging thing out. In keeping with the blogging tradition, I have assigned pseudonyms to the main characters to protect their identity and to keep everyone really confused about who I am talking about. And, I really wanted to impress everyone that knows me by using the word pseudonym in a sentence. So from here on out, I am motherload, and my little loads will be referred to as uno, dos, tres, cuatro, and cinco. There is a fatherload but I have been forbidden to speak of him or post pictures of him, (I hope this doesn't count)