P.U.

WARNING-DO NOT READ THIS (ESPECIALLY THE ONE ON KARL MARX) RIGHT BEFORE EATING, OR RIGHT AFTER EATING.....I knew you would especially enjoy this one Allison! Also, look for the very quick mention of Mormons, quite amusing.

Strange Smell! Top 10 Stinky People From the Pages of History


Even though the rules of hygiene were extremely relaxed during some periods of history, the following 10 people - royalty, actresses, philosophers, and more - became known not only for their accomplishments but also their disastrous hygiene.

1. Benedict of Aniane

Saint Joseph once preached, “He who has bathed in Christ has no need for a second bath.” Early Christians took this literally and never bathed. Benedict was an odd monk that spent most of his life in rags, rarely eating, and speaking only in awkward outcries. He was canonized for saving monasticism in the 8th century, through which he spread the idea that bathing was a vanity that facilitated sins of the flesh. This meme stuck with Christians until the 18th century.

2. Henry IV of France

One of the most popular French kings, Henry tried to provide his citizens with a “chicken in the pot every Sunday.” Even though he believed in changing his shirt every morning, a rarity in 16th century France, he also loved hunting and refused to bathe or mask his odor with cologne afterwards. His mistress often told him he smelled like carrion. His second wife fainted from his stench the first time she met him and doused herself with perfume just to have relations with him on their wedding night.

3. Howard Hughes

Hughes transformed from a polished, handsome aviator and movie producer to a 90 pound skeleton that only trusted Mormons. It started in 1957, when he locked himself in a studio with milk, chocolate, and Kleenex to watch movies completely naked. Upon emerging, he refused to bathe and trimmed his hair and nails only once a year. He became a recluse, living in Las Vegas and the Bahamas, and was so unidentifiable when he died that police had to use his fingerprints to make sure it was actually Hughes.

4. Louis XIV of France

During the 72 year reign of Louis, France established an absolute monarchy, Versailles was built, and The Sun King waged war with everyone. Possibly hydrophobic, he refused to bathe unless his doctors forced him to and took two, possibly three, baths his entire life. He preferred to be dusted with scented powder and washed his face with a rag soaked in alcohol. Louis refused surgery on a gangrenous foot, leading to his death, and would lose chunks of it around Versailles.

5. Frederick II of Prussia

Frederick transformed Prussia from a European backwater to a world powerhouse, and then spent the rest of his life shuffling around Sanssouci with a pack of Italian greyhounds, berating anyone that cleaned up the ankle-deep dog pooh. Possibly insane, he started refusing to bathe and stopped changing his clothes for years. When he died, in 1786, the shirt on his back was so rotten with sweat that his valet used one of his own to bury the king.

6. Marilyn Monroe

Considered an example of the feminine ideal, Monroe went through a long string of lovers that included Joe DiMaggio and John F. Kennedy. But according to a Clark Gable biography, Gable described her as extremely dirty, and not in the sexual sense. According to Gable she suffered from irritable bowel syndrome, rarely bathed, and ate exclusively in bed - shoving what was left under her bed.

7. Ludwig van Beethoven

Influenced by the Enlightenment, a deaf Beethoven pushed Romantic music to the forefront in the 18th century. His refusal to bathe stemmed from the constant pain of lead poisoning. It also made him extremely crabby at concerts, he commonly threw things at people talking during his concerts. A speech impediment made it hard to understand Beethoven and often resulted in violent tirades if he was asked to repeat himself. The few friends he had would sneak away his clothes to wash while he slept.

8. Karl Marx

As the mind behind Communism, Marx wanted the working class to rise up but instead helped totalitarian regimes justify their existence. He suffered from pus leaking carbuncles and boils that were worsened by chain smoking, heavy drinking, and belief that cleanliness was a bourgeoisie excess. Marx took pride in pages of the original manuscript of Das Kapital that were splattered with blood from his lanced boils, claiming that it proved he understood the plight of the proletariat.

9. Henrietta Green

With an estimated net worth of $3.8 billion, Green became one of the richest women in history through her extreme frugality. She avoided surgery on a hernia because it cost $150, ignored her son’s broken leg until it had to be amputated, and tried to swindle a dying aunt out of money. The few times she bathed, she did so without hot water and soap, and she spent her entire life in a series of black dresses that she wore until they wore out. In her later years she became extremely paranoid and died while arguing about skim milk.

10. Chairman Mao Zedong

Mao’s harsh socio-political programs killed millions of his countrymen but helped turn China into a world power. He never brushed his teeth or bathed his entire reign. Instead, concubines were forced to scrub his body with damp towels while be chewed tea leaves to clean his teeth. When offered a toothbrush by one of his physicians, Mao refused on the grounds that tigers didn’t brush their teeth either. You can’t argue with that logic.

YOU SAY TOMATO I SAY TAHMATO

For Veterans Day on Monday, Cuatro's teacher gave them a paper to fill out that said "DEAR VETERANS, THANK YOU FOR.....and in his very best handwriting, Cuatro finished the sentence. " SAVING MY DOG'S HARLEY, MAX, AND CHOPPER ANYWAY THANK YOU FOR EVRY THING FOR THAT STUFF"
At the very top, also with much care, he drew a lovely picture of him, the "veteran" and his dogs.
So sweet, so sincere, so confused between veterans and veterinarians.

TOOTH FAIRY PART DEUX

I think I'm raising a Democrat. Why would I think such an awful thing about one of my own little loads? Well, yesterday I found the following letter on the counter penned by Cinco (of course). It was intercepted before making it under the pillow.

"DEAR TOOT FRY" Now I have to pause at this point and say yes, it says "toot fry" and yes, I know there is a really good joke linking "toot fry" with the story of the guy with the potato in his bum, but everything I came up with was way to obvious. So, I'm counting on you, my sibs, to come up with something good. So, back to the letter.

"DEAR TOOT FRY
GIVE ME YOUR MONY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yep, that was it. Short and to the point. And I think very Democrat like in that just because "toot fry" works hard and has lots of "mony" Cinco feels entitled to some of those proceeds without working for it. In this case working for it would be loosing a " toof, Yo!"
Maybe he'll be President someday.

OUR NEW NATIONAL ANTHEM?

Glenn Beck is Awesome! I'm sure you all recognize the music from Russia's national anthem.

From poo-tato stories, to deep thoughts. Diversity baby! Actually, I'm just trying to convince myself that our futures are not totally screwed! Sorry Kanooer, no funny today!

This was on Lucianne today.


7. Invictus

OUT of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance 5
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade, 10
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate: 15
I am the captain of my soul.

IS THAT A POTATO IN YOUR BUM, OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME?

THIS STORY IS OFF THE CHANNEL 2 WEB SITE.

Naked chore leads to embarrassing fall

Last Update: 11:20 am

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(Chip Somodevilla, Getty Images/file) A clergyman claims a potato got stuck up his bottom after he fell on the vegetable while hanging curtains in the nude.

He insisted to hospital officials he had not been playing a sex game and that he was hanging curtains in the buff when "he fell backwards on to the kitchen table" where the potato was sitting.

The clergyman had to undergo surgery to get the tater removed.
HOW LONG BEFORE CALIFORNIA WANTS TO LEGALIZE MARRIAGE BETWEEN A MAN AND A TUBER?